New Moon FAQ

How come Alice and Jasper can affect Bella with their supernatural powers, but Edward and Aro and Jane can't?

'''This question comes up at every single signing! The answer is explained in Eclipse, but I'm going to tell you all anyway, just so there's less confusion.'''

"It's because Edward is only interested in Bella because he couldn't read her mind, and because I can't allow any vampire to hurt me... I mean, my Sue."

'''Bella has a very private mind. She can't be touched there. '''

Show us on the plastic brain where the bad vampire touched you.

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'''Jane, also, works inside the head (Jane doesn't actually inflict pain on anyone's body, she just puts the illusion of pain inside her victim's head. It's a very effective form of torture). '''

... except that pain in itself requires a physical element, because you need nerves and brain centers to register sensations. "Illusions" require sensory input, while pain IS a sensory reaction. You fucking idiot.

'''Conversely, what Jasper does is no illusion. He affects the physical body, slowing the pulse and upping the endorphin levels to calm someone, for example, or raising the pulse and pumping out the adrenalin to excite them. '''

Nope, sorry, but that is no different from how Jane works. Both require the manipulation of brain chemistry and the nervous system.

And tell me, what exactly allows him to physically manipulate the BODIES OF OTHER PEOPLE? There has been no indication that other vampires can change your chemical makeup through force of will alone - and if there is no mental element, how exactly does he have that effect? What is the medium of this control? If he's not affecting the brain, does he somehow telekinetically start squeezing glands and slowing the heart rate?

... you just pulled this from your ass to cover up a plot hole, didn't you?

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'''Alice, also, works outside the mind in the realm of possible realities. She doesn't see the thought process behind the decisions, just the outcomes.'''

And she can't even do that properly. If a werewolf is involved or someone decides to sleep in, she's totally flying blind.

Was Edward somehow psychically connected to Bella with the whole hearing-voices thing?

'''No. So powerfully was Bella's subconscious knowledge trying to break through her wrong-headed notions, that it produced some very convincing delusions. '''

Oh, just admit the truth: it happened in Jane Eyre, so you wanted the same thing in your crappy book... except less subtle. And instead of inspiring a woman to go back to the man she loves, even if they can't be together romantically... it inspires a teenage girl to harm herself so she can orgasm over the sound of her ex-boyfriend yelling at her.

'''I'm not surprised that people thought, in the beginning, that Edward was somehow there (wishful thinking on all our parts). '''

No, I just thought you were enough of a hack to write in "Bella and Edward's wuv is so perfect they're telepathically connected becuz THEIR WUV IS TWOO!"

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'''Laurent, in the meadow. If Edward had had any inkling of the fact that Victoria had returned for Bella, no matter how far away on the planet he was, he would have been back in Forks within twenty-four hours.'''

Unless he just forgot. Remember, by Eclipse all the characters have pretty much forgotten the whole incident, and certainly don't think new vampires having a killing spree might be indicative of Victoria's presence.

Plus, having dumped her, he was probably hoping for some sweet luvvin' from Emmett.

What did Edward break in the living room after the vote?

'''Edward ripped into halves a sixty inch plasma TV that the Cullens had shipped in from Korea because it's not available in the states yet. Emmett was a bit annoyed.'''

Translation: Edward has no self-control and is a whiny violent little bitch if things don't go his way. Since he can't intimidate or force the other vampires into doing what he wants, he throws a tantrum.

And you gotta love the little materialistic notes she adds in, just to let us know that the Cullens have stuff better than mere ordinary people. And when other people get that sixty-inch plasma, the Cullens will toss it out and get a quantum techno-screen that can directly jack movies from the future! Because wealth equals superiority.

You know, maybe Anne Rice was even more of an inspiration than I thought.

What happened to Lauren's hair?

'''Ha ha. I had fun imagining this one—I only wished that it had fit into the book somewhere.'''

"Because I fantasize about humiliation and pain coming to any women who don't worship my Sue 24/7! The bitches deserve it!"

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'''Lauren fell victim to the "model discovered in the mall" scam. '''

"That'll teach you, blonde girl who was hotter and more popular than me in high school!"

Lauren followed the instructions—dropping fifteen grand on the pictures taken by the agent's partner—

FIFTEEN GRAND? How does a high school student in a little bumfuck logging town get fifteen grand?!

'''and waited for her career to begin. She's still waiting. Snort.'''

"So there, blonde girl who was hotter and more popular than me in high school! I showed you! I wrote a thinly-veiled avatar for you in my crappy vampire romance, where she's uglier than my Sue and a total bitch and stupid too! I'M THE SMART PRETTY NICE ONE, SO THERE!"

'Why did Edward leave? WHY?'

Read here for the story behind New Moon.

Short version: Smeyer wanted all Teh Drahmaz of Romeo and Juliet with none of the bad consequences for her Sues. Or the suicide. Or the quality writing. Or the likable characters. Or the relatively healthy relationship.

What kind of flower is that on the cover, and what does it mean?

'''That is a ruffled tulip. As for the meaning... If you've read the Twilight FAQ, you know that the apple cover had a lot of meaning for me, '''

That meaning being: "Apples had meaning for other people, and I'm just kind of piggybacking off their stories with no particular focus."

So I don't know what the tulip means—I didn't have anything to do with this one.

Probably because Meyer didn't really have any imagery in it that would fit a romancey cover. What was it going to have, a motorcycle? A handful of antidepressants? A straitjacket? A forever-alone face?

'What does the title refer to? Is it a werewolf reference?'

Why would it? It's specifically mentioned that the lunar cycle doesn't affect these werewolves.

'''Nope. The term "new moon" refers to the phase of the moon opposite a full moon. It is when the sun is on the opposite side of the moon from us and thus the bright side of the moon is not visible from earth. '''

I'm honestly not sure if Smeyer thinks her fans are so stupid they don't know this... or whether she's so stupid she thinks NOBODY else knows this.

'''This is the darkest kind of night. New Moon is the darkest period of Bella's life.'''

And the darkest period of mine, since I think I went through six livers reading that.

'How far along are you on Eclipse? Midnight Sun?'

'''Book three in the Twilight Series, Eclipse, is in the final stages of editing. This means that it's pretty much done, with just a few minor fixes to go. We're on schedule and Eclipse will be released in the fall of 2007.'''

Once more into the breach.

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'''Midnight Sun is only a side project. Which means I have to do my real work before I can play with it. '''

Then someone - possibly Robert Pattinson - will leak the manuscript, and I'll throw a hissy fit and refuse to finish it for no real reason other than laziness. Then, years later... I'll release a gender-flipped fanfic of my original book, just to rub salt and lemon juice in your eye. And you'll still buy it, like the sheep you are.

'''Right now, my real work is book four, so Midnight Sun will have to wait for a while. I have no idea when it will be released, because I have no idea when it will be finished. I'm only on chapter twelve right now.'''

And thank God for that. I still have way too much to snark from this series already, dammit.

And clearly she wasn't very invested in the project anyway, because apparently the release of EL James' Grey - which is a ripoff of Midnight Sun - was taken by her as a cosmic sign to continue sitting on her ass and laughing maniacally at her piles of money.

Is it true that there will be no advanced readers copies of Eclipse?

Yes.

If only there were no copies, period, because it's almost as bad as ''New Moon. ''Not quite, but almost.