Edward Cullen Is Coming To Town

...  He   sees   you  when  you're  sleeping, so  get  an  effing  restraining  order! by SatireKnight Everybody has heard the classic "Santa Claus is Coming To Town" carol, but I've always gotten a creepy vibe from hearing about how Santa is always watching you. Santa = Big Brother! He is always watching! He monitors your behavior, and deviation from his will MEANS PUNISHMENT! Bend to Santa's will! Seriously, if you were talking about anyone other than jolly ol' St. Nick, you would be calling the police. So it only seems appropriate to rewrite it for the most famous creepy-ass stalker of our times, Edward Cullen. Edward  Cullen  is  Coming  to  Town https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-kkqQ06pFQq8/VG7xxEXp6jI/AAAAAAAAHpw/EUINknMT-Hc/s400/edward%2Bchristmas%2B4.jpg You better watch out You better just cry You better cower in fear I'm tellin' you why: Edward Cullen is coming... to town! He's sniffing your blood And he's thinking twice About the "good vamp" shtick and always playing nice Edward Cullen is coming to town! https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-LHKePiWF23s/VG7xxu8mEFI/AAAAAAAAHqM/lQD34APaX5A/s400/edward%2Bchristmas.jpg He watches you when you're sleeping He stalks you when you're awake He sparkles like a disco ball And he might just cut your brakes! You better watch out You better just cry You better cower in fear I'm tellin' you why Edward Cullen is coming… to town! https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-LmVaC0KBzQM/VG7xyPRg-UI/AAAAAAAAH1U/3zW0R1AsqpE/s400/edward%2Bchristmas.gif Little passive girls, little stalker boys Who treat the passive girls like mindless toys Edward Cullen is coming to town Little werewolves that don't have a prayer They just can't compete with gelled-up hair Edward Cullen is coming to town. https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-kM_mgJUtr1o/VG7xw82XdWI/AAAAAAAAHps/OJ_mnru1IAc/s580-no/edward%2Bchristmas%2B3.jpg All the vamps and weres in Forks Will have an emo-off around the tree Bawla doesn't want those jocks and dorks She wants a sparkly stalker, you see You better watch out You better just cry You better cower in fear I'm tellin' you why Edward Cullen is coming… to town! https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-8zSdrfkTXeA/VG7xwQXxsRI/AAAAAAAAHp4/brlPnFlVOCU/s500-no/edward%2Bchristmas%2B2.jpg He watches you when you're sleeping He stalks you when you're awake He sparkles like a disco ball And he might just cut your brakes! You better watch out You better just cry You better cower in fear I'm tellin' you why Edward Cullen is coming… to town!