Satireknight Wiki

If you could be face to face with Jim right now, what would you say to him, or do?

If he showed up on the doorstep, I would punch him out so hard he would wish he really were dead.

... uh, why? He's been better behaved since 1970 than he was in his whole life!

Then I would drag him into bed for about a month, then punch him out some more.

I'm getting some S&M vibes here.

And when I do catch up to him, I will be coming after him with a big old astral rolling pin...

... again, why?

This is kind of telling. Even though she assures us quickly that she's just foolin', her constant talk about violence is kind of unnerving. You don't joke about beating your lover for that long unless you have some anger issues.

Seriously, I talk to Jim all the time; and he to me.

Ah yes, those conversations with her dead husband, which nobody except her can verify but we're supposed to immediately accept as fact.

We're fine.

Except for all those astral groupies he keeps going off with.

The promise we made one another was that we would be married "as long as love shall last,"

"... or until the Martians invade, whichever comes first."

and love has lasted; indeed, it shows no sign of doing anything else.

Wait, what does that mean? It shows no sign of NOT lasting? WRITER, PLEEZ.

Forget separate apartments! Never mind bicoastal! This is the ultimate long-distance relationship.

It's such an awesome relationship! You people with your measly long-distance relationships just WISH that one of you were dead!